I pretty much think I have lost all viewship.
A recent event has got me started with some writings. I guess I needed to release it somehow.
"The site is closing."
The news hit like a harsh gush of wind hitting against a metal pole. A shocking news but harmless to the listeners. It felt like a joke. I left the room with the bunch of employees. Majority of us were laughing. Delirious, perhaps.
Nobody saw it coming. Not even the management. Perhaps I did when some annoucements were made. But even then, I won't be prepared for what was to come.
Groups of people gathered. The leaders in disbelief. The employees in disbelief. Some were angst up about the company, some towards individuals. Weird ones like me thought about my work.
Wished that it was a nightmare that I would wake up from. I enjoyed my work, my peers, my environment, my prospect, my ...
I became saddened about the reality. I was so going to miss the close friends I have made. We teared. We hugged. We had fun at our last party.
Days, weeks, almost a month went by. Lost. Confused. Insecure.
And then the atmosphere changed. I accepted the reality. So did the majority. People were moving on, each fending for survival; planning for the future.
Experiments?! What experiments?! I have a job to find. And so it began. The job search. Sent 1, 2...3...10... 20...... And how many more?
It has been a rollercoaster ride. Emotionally sick.
One would go on a search and see something really interesting and apply. Hopeful and excited one would press the "submit" button.
But time dragged by with either rejection emails or worse, no news at all.
It's a painful and depressing. It is not just about the job search. But it is also depressing on my self-esteem. Am I not good enough? I thought I was. At least I knew what I could offer was potentially useful to my current company.
I had gotten my letter of notification. My time is ticking. I am sad. I am stressed.
I only have one triumph card and that is My God.
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